Unanswered Prayers

"Just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he doesn't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

I watched the movie Unanswered Prayers yesterday. The whole idea is so true. I spent three years praying for a certain guy to propose to me. I finally woke up and realized he had no intention of marrying me. Looking back, I thank God that I didn't marry him.


He once asked me if I would forget everything he taught me if we were to break up. If only it were that easy. I wish I could. I wish I could go back in time and realize that I was OK the way I was and that I could find someone that would love me as I was. The only good thing I can say I learned from that relationship is that I should never change myself inside out to be who I think someone wants me to be. I pretended like I had no desires or goals in life except to support his dreams. I hid my disappointment every holiday when I opened some gift that looked like it could have been a ring. I even said that it was OK if we didn't get married until he completed all of his dreams. This was not true to myself. I am not blaming him for those things. I know that I should have stood up for myself and voiced my own dreams. I shouldn't have let him control me the way he did.


The positive side of this story is that looking back, I truly am thankful for unanswered prayers. God has a better plan for my life. I have a beautiful son that I love dearly, and hopes of having more babies like him in the future. I have a baby who loves me as I am, and doesn't want me to kill myself at the gym every day of my life to look like a starving twig, only to tell me I still need to work on a few areas. 

I need to be told I am loved. Hearing the words more than once in a while doesn't lessen the meaning of those words. It reaffirms it for me. I need a man who would rather spend time with me, showing me that he loves me, rather than buying me things to make up for his absence. I am thankful for unanswered prayers.