True Love

How can you tell real love from infatuation? I don't just mean in romantic relationships, but in all relationships. How do you know when you truly love someone, and not just the idea. I think that you have come to "love someone fully when you would put aside your own selfishness and can be happy if they are happy. Or when you get past the "I need you" and settle into the "what do you need from me" stage.

I have a lot of examples going through my head, but the one that I can bring myself to talk about is my relationship with my son. Before and right after he was born, I knew I was totally in love with him. He was and is the desire or my heart, and I wanted him more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. I needed him. I thought that I would die if something happened to him, or at least I would want to die. I couldn't even bear the thought of something being wrong or something bad happening. I felt this way because I need him.

Now, I have started thinking a little differently. I still need him and I would still die if anything happened to him. However, now I am thinking more about what he needs from me. How can I be a better mother to him? How can I assure him of my love more fully. Weight has always been a huge issue in my life. I have had to put it in the back of my mind since he was born because I am breastfeeding. In the past, when I needed to lose weight, I would go on a crazy starvation diet or I would exercise as much as I could. I can't do this though if I want to provide the best nutrition for him. I saw a quote on facebook that says, "My child needs a role-model, not a super model". I have been trying to tell myself this. Anyway, this is a situation where I have to put his needs above my own.

I am NOT saying I am perfect or love perfectly. I get distracted a lot and have selfish thoughts all the time. I am trying to be a better mother though. I have been trying to remember to get down on the floor with him more, spend less of his awake time on the computer or doing something else. (He is already asleep for the night). I don't want to look back in 18 years and regret what I spent my time on. These moments will only happen once. I already wonder what happened to the last 8 months. I do get distracted a lot, but I am trying to get distracted less. I want him to know that I am interested in him and his own little life, and the things that are important to him. I want to talk with him, not at him.

That's all for tonight.