Facts About My Family

Everyone on Facebook has been posting things about themselves that you probably don't know. I have really enjoyed reading all of them. It is fun to see how different everyone is, and how alike we are in other ways. On our family page, we have started posting facts about other people in our family. I think I enjoy these posts even more! Here are some facts about my family. 

Elliot Holloway:

1. He's very OCD. if you give him square waffles a few days in a row, he will not eat a round waffle the next. Also, he won't eat any pieces that look different from the rest. This includes quesadillas with cheese poking out. He will not eat a piece with any cheese showing. 
2. His favorite color changes depending in who his favorite person is that day and their favorite color. 
3. He is very private. No one is allowed near the bathroom when he is peeing. But he will run around the house naked, pretending his wiener is a fire hose.
4. He doesn't like to be called anything but Elliot, but his Gagas can call him Bubby. 
5. He wants to be an "inja turtle" when he grows up.
6. He is obsessed with my hair. He can't fall asleep without it. He likes to run his fingers through it, stab it in his ear, or feather his eyes with it. And he has a super sense about when I put it in a hair tie. He immediately starts chanting, "want your hair like a square, hair like a square."
7. He would stay outside 24/7 if he could, but refuses to pee outside. 
8. He loves to make up words, and a lot of them sound like very bad words. 
9. He hates having dirty, sticky, Or greasy fingers. I have to wipe his hands with wet wipes at least two or three times sting every meal. 
10. He's very sweet and tenderhearted, and tells me he loves me a million times a day. He pretends like his brother is so annoying, but if you ask him who his best friend, he immediately says, "Ethan."
11. He loves it when I sing "Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty" to him while he falls asleep. He will purr like a kitten while I scratch or pet his back. 

Ethan Holloway

1. His nickname is Zazz, Zazzy, or Zazzers. This is what he answers to the most.
2. His favorite books are Go Dog Go and Where's My Truck. He will listen to me read these over and over and over. And over.
3. He LOVES Peppa Pig, and cries for it the whole time Elliot watches anything else.
4. He ADORES Elliot and copies everything he does. If Elliot gets hurt, Ethan acts like he has the same owie.
5. He will eat almost anything you give him, unless he sees that Elliot won't. 
6. When I'm putting him to bed, he HAS to stretch out the elastic band in my pants with his foot. I move his foot at least ten times before he quits. 
7. He hurt his toe six months ago, but still relives the pain multiple times a day. 
8. He's a clown and loves to make people laugh. 
9. He loves cats and loves to meow. 
10. He wants this baby to be a "GOAL!" Not a boy.
11. He thinks it is absolutely hysterical if you smell his feet and pretend they stink to high heaven. It never gets old to him. 

Josh Holloway

1. His favorite movie of all time is Conan the Barbarian.
2. His most prized materialistic possession is his '99 Dodge Dakota Bellringer. Don't ask him who he would pick if it was between me and that truck. Just kidding. He'd pick the truck. Joking Joking.
3. He loves all things sports, but his favorite sport is basketball. His favorite players are Dwight Howard for       basketball and Peyton Manning for football. I asked him if he would love me more if I actually liked sports, but he said no because my choice in teams would probably turn him off. 
4. He would absolutely love it if Elliot grew up to be a basketball player and Ethan a Professional (fake) wrestler.
5. His favorite color is blue. But really, have you met a guy whose favorite color wasn't blue or green?
6. His favorite foods are tacos or boiled peanuts. 
7. He makes the best gosh darn salsa this here side of the Mississippi.
8. I think he is more excited about the boys being into the Ninja Turtles than they are. He's a sucker. He can't take Elliot to Walmart without coming home with a new ninja turtle toy. 
9. When he was younger, he wanted ten kids. 
10. He could take on one of the Duck Dynasty guys in a beard contest, and his beard is the first thing that attracted me to him. 

Thanksgiving

I am sure you have seen all the "I'm thankful for..." posts people have been posting on facebook. Every year at Thanksgiving, people start with these posts on November 1st until Thanksgiving day. It may sound like a weird thing to be thankful for, but I posted that I am thankful Josh and I started our life together with nothing really. I mean, we have a lot of junk, but not a lot of assets. I am thankful for this because I feel like it helps us to be more thankful for the things we do have, especially each other, and for the things we do acquire.

As a former insurance sales person, I saw a lot of different situations. One situation that always bugged me were the kids that got brand new, expensive cars for their 16th birthday. It didn't bother me when parents got their kids cars, but there were certain kids that never learned to appreciate anything. These were the same kids that "refused" to do the journals for a 10% discount on the insurance. I don't understand that. If your parents are giving you a car, isn't the least you can do is a little journal?!? These were usually the same kids that didn't think it was a big deal when they totaled the cars. They'd just get a new one. The kids that had to work for the car, or start with a beater, seemed a little more thankful. I am not saying this was always the case, just a big percentage.

I have found myself not being as thankful as I should be lately. Maybe it wasn't as much a lack of thankfulness as it was a loss of perspective. Everyone should know by now that I hate bugs, and have been having a hard time adjusting to that part of life in Tennessee. It has gotten to the point where I was thinking, "what in the world was I thinking. I wish I could just go back to freezing my butt off." I know we would not be happy in Alaska. I WASN'T happy in Alaska. I lost my perspective. Look at this gorgeous state I live in, full of sunshine! And a beautiful, spacious house for my children to run in that my mother-in-law has so graciously allowed us to occupy!

My mom posted a photo this morning of the first house we lived in when we moved to Alaska. Talk about an eye-opener! It was a 96 square foot room. We had a wood stove for heat, a camping stove to cook on, and a bucket with a hanging sheet around it for a bathroom. We didn't have running water for over a year. The first shower we had was a bag that we filled with water and sat in the sun for HOURS, and then hung from a nail so we could stand under it. Some people would gasp at the thought, and believe me, I don't want to have to live that way again. However, we had everything we needed. We had heat, food, and shelter from the snow. We survived, and are definitely stronger for it. At least I know that if we ever had to, I could do this again.

I got to hear Miss Kay, from Duck Dynasty, speak a few months ago. Someone asked her how she feels about her sons now living in these huge houses. She said that she always tells them that they have to remember where they came from, and that if they ever forget, she hopes it all gets taken away. That sounds harsh, but it's just like my favorite Veggie Tales says, "A thankful heart is a happy heart, that's why I say thanks every day!" We don't have to want to go back to where we came from, but we should be thankful for everything we have been blessed with now.

Time

Time goes by so fast. Why does it move so quickly as an adult, and seem like it crawls by as a child? I was reminded how fast time flies this morning, as my boys were snuggled up with me. Elliot wrapped his arms around me and I remembered something I never wanted to forget. For the first few months of his life, whenever he would nurse he would literally oink like a baby pig. "Oya oya oya." It was so hilariously cute. Ethan was nicknamed our "Farty Bear." He constantly sounded like he was blasting off. Once, at the doctors office, he farted SOOOO LOUD! Josh looked at me in horror because he thought it was me. He said there was no way that noise came from a baby. We were rolling with laughter. There are a million of these silly little things that I never want to forget.

This pregnancy has been a rough one for sure. I have often wanted to fast forward to April. If I could do that without missing out on this time with my boys, I would certainly do it. Though, when they were both born, I remember just praying that God would make time feel like it was crawling again. I know that before I know it, this baby growing inside me will be turning one, walking, talking, and asking to be set down. I wish I could keep my babies small forever. This makes Elliot sad. He always says he wants to be a big boy, and then I have to pretend like the thought doesn't make me want to bawl like a baby.

Some people may think I wrap myself up in my kids too much. I disagree. Everyone has a calling in life, something they were meant to do. Everyone has a different calling. I know, and have known since I was a kid myself, that my calling was to be a wife and mom. That doesn't mean that this will be my only purpose in life, or my purpose forever. But at this moment in time, this is what I am meant to do. This is what I want to do. I know it's not for everyone. It is hard sometimes, but it is so rewarding. It's the best thing I have ever done, and God has blessed me so much. I am so thankful that he gave me the desires of my heart. I hope the next 18 years slow down a bit. Life is wonderful, life is heart breaking, life is hard, life is beautiful. I am so blessed to be able to watch it happen from this perspective. We may not have it all from the world's perspective, but we are truly rich.

We Are Our Own Worst Critics

I am sure you have heard the old saying, "we are our own worst critics." I've heard it a thousand times. I'm sure it is true, but it still doesn't make you feel better when you are looking at some flaw you may have. I have always hated my hair. It is straight, thin, and super fine. It's impossible to do anything with it. Curls don't hold, and it pretty much just lays there, flat. Sara Evans sings, "all the straight haired girls, oh they all want curls, and the brunettes want to be blonde." That's how I have always felt.

Well, my oldest son, Elliot, has always had this thing with my hair...it's like his security blanket or something. He falls asleep with his hands all twisted up in it. He likes to sit next to me and run his hands through it while he drinks his juice. He has a super human ability to know when I am putting it up in a hair tie, or "hair comb" as he calls it. He automatically runs to me, repeating, "want your hair like a square," over and over. Don't ask me what "hair like a square" means...I'm not too sure, other than I know it means that he wants it down. Hahaha. As much as I have always hated my hair and envied every other girl's hair, my son loves it even more than I hate it.

We spend so much time trying to change ourselves to be someone else...someone we think is more acceptable. Wouldn't it be so much easier to just find the people that accept us as we are? I won a free haircut a month ago, and asked my husband to help me pick a haircut. He only wanted me to trim it because he said it likes it long. I asked, "even when it just lays there all flat and stringy?" He said yes.

My cousin is currently doing a 30 day experiment. She is avoiding all mirrors for 30 days. She isn't wearing makeup or styling her hair. There is a lot more to this experiment, but basically, she is just being herself. I think it is a wonderful experiment that more people should do! She said it has been really hard, essentially baring herself to the world. I encourage you to read her full blog at http://theanti-mirrorexperiment.blogspot.com/2013/08/welcome-to-my-purity-pursuit.html There is so much more than the little that I have mentioned, and it is really worth the read.

I understand a little of what she is going through. Before I had kids, I wouldn't leave my house without makeup on or curling my hair. I was extremely insecure with what I looked like, even with makeup on. I haven't really changed. I am still insecure, but I just don't have the energy to do all that anymore. I'll put mascara on occasionally, but I don't remember the last time I curled my hair. Hahaha. It is a huge change to go through though. You literally feel naked.

All that to say, we really are our own worst critics! Sure, we all have flaws. If we surround ourselves with the people that really love us though, they see us differently. They see us through eyes of love. They love us for who we really are, not someone we are trying to be. When I dyed my hair blonde a few months ago, my son cried all night. He begged me to turn it back to brown. When I said I couldn't, he asked me to put it back in the towel. He didn't need me to be someone else. He just wanted the me that he knew. Those are the people that we should surround ourselves with. Sure, the people around us should be a little more flexible, but they should love us for who we are. Not that we shouldn't take care of ourselves either, but we shouldn't have to work so hard to look like something we aren't.

They will know you by your love

I am currently reading The Purpose Driven Life, and the last chapter I read was about love. We were put here to love each other. It isn't one of our purposes in life, it IS our purpose. There is a quote I love that says, "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." As Christians, we could say SON instead of sun.

Really though, what else is there to life other than love? We can't take anything with us when we die. Who wants to be a millionaire if they don't have anyone to spend their life with, and enjoy that money with? Who wants to own huge houses, and boats, and other toys, and use them alone?

When I was growing up, my mom always told my sister and I that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want doesn't mean they aren't loving you the only way they know how, or with all they have. When I was little, we would do Kris Kringle baskets at Christmas time. It was basically Secret Santa. We would decorate baskets and hang them on the wall. Then, on Christmas Eve, we would all open our baskets and try to guess who our Secret Santa was. I remember one year, my brother, Nathan, opened his. It was FULL of little notes that said, "I love you." He said, "I know who I got...Claire." It was funny. It probably wasn't what he was hoping was in his basket, but I was only 5 or 6 though. I was giving him all I had at the time, and it was all my love.

Kurt Vonnegut said, "a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."...not just those who are easy to love. One thing I would always hear from people visiting Alaska is that the people are so friendly. You can bet that if you break down on the side of the road, or get stuck in a ditch, someone will stop to help you. How different would our world be if it was lie this everywhere?

Still Need to do this

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After Earth

My husband and I just saw the movie After Earth. I didn't want to see that particular movie, but it was really great! One part of the movie that really struck me was a lecture Will Smith was giving his son. He said, "If we are going to survive this, you have to realize that fear is not real. It is a product of the thoughts we create. Don't get me wrong, danger is real. But fear is a choice!" I can't find the rest of the quote anywhere, but it was something along the lines of fear just being thoughts we have about the future and how it will turn out.

It kind of goes along the lines of my last post and how my husband says that we can't hold on to bitterness and anger and such because people do crappy things to each other and that is just how the world is. I know I personally walk around afraid of anything and everything. I am constantly worried that I will get sick and die before my kids are old enough to know how much I love them. Or that my kids will get sick and I will have to go through the immense pain of losing them. But why do we walk in fear of these things? Most of our fears never come to fruition, and we can't stop the ones that do. So why can't we just enjoy today and not waste the days worrying about what might or might not happen.

In the movie, Will Smith also told his son, "Root yourself in this moment." I think that is what we really need to do...focus less on fear and more on today. In the movie, his sister asks him if he is afraid. He says no, he is just tired. She was happy and said, "Good, you have filled your heart (or mind...I can't remember) with something else." Basically, if you focus on something else, you won't have time or room for fear to creep in. Maybe that is the answer for any bad feeling...bitterness, anger, sadness, etc. Focus on something else and let that fill your heart and mind.

Bitterness

Joyce Meyer said, "I know from personal experience how damaging it can be to live with bitterness and forgiveness. I like to say that it is like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. And it really is harmful for us to live this way."

I have been thinking about the above quote a lot this week. How do you get your enemy to drink the poison instead? Just kidding. Although, my mom would say, "The truth is often spoken in jest." Haha. Bitterness really is an evil root. It can consume you.

I often talk about the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." This movie was strange, but good. I've had discussions with friends on whether or not they would erase someone from their memory if they were given the option. Personally, if I could, I would. I am not one of those, "I have no regrets. Those experiences made me who I am today," kind of person. I would erase the memories and person in a heartbeat. I know that I, and my husband, would be better off if I could. Haha. My husband wouldn't have to tell me that I have him confused with someone else when I question the meaning of everything he says or does. Why is it that the person we marry usually has to pay the price for the mistakes of the losers we didn't marry?

Anyway, we were talking about this together. He is the total opposite of me, and that is great because he balances us out. LOL. He just lets everything roll off his shoulders. He said you can't hold onto bad things because people do crappy things, and you just have to forget about it because that's the way the world is. How do you do that though? How do you not be bitter? How do you forgive someone that doesn't even care? Or even if it isn't about forgiving them, how do you not let your past hurts influence who you are today?

Dr. Irene says, "Bitterness is the result of powerlessness in the face of anger. Bitterness is a trap that takes you away from dealing with what you have to deal with. It keeps you stuck. Stay in the here and now with your feelings. Take your power each and every day, in each of the hundreds of little interactions that make up daily life. As you begin to take control of your life, you will no longer be left with a sense of powerlessness. Your anger and bitterness will melt."

What do you think? Everyone has experiences they didn't like. How did you/do you deal with them?

Did I forget my Manual for Raising Children?

Sometimes I wish that life would give you a manual for how to raise children...With exact directions and pictures just to make sure you get it right! Here are a few good questions I need answers for:

• What do you do when your one year old poops in the tub and thinks he found a candy bar? How do you keep him from pooping in the tub every time he takes a bath, even if he pooped ten minutes earlier?
• When your one year old grabs his brothers wiener schnitzel, how do you do keep from laughing so he won't do it again?
• What do you do when your one year old has decided you are his personal snack shack and just screams, "BOOO," when he sees you? I don't even think he knows he is screaming it anymore. Haha
• How do you stop the same one year old from screaming like a pterodactyl when he wants something, needs something, is bored, or just because it's 2 p.m.?
• How do you keep your three year old from practicing his stunts for the next dare devil movie, and thus giving you a heart attack? Do all toddlers think they are spider man and can literally climb anything and everything? 
• Are two year old children capable of pre-meditating naughty behavior? He told me he was going to get in trouble and when I asked why, he swiped everything off the table and ran!

And lastly, how do you keep your sanity while raising children? What's the difference between "letting boys be boys," and letting them be maniacs?!?! LOL. It has been a rough day. I love my boys more than life itself, but boy am I glad for bedtime tonight! In all seriousness though, I know in thirty minutes I will be gazing at them lovingly, asking: 

• How did these boys get so freakin' cute?
• How can I possibly "hug you little," Elliot? I want to squeeze you and never let go.
• How I can keep from kissing their cheeks into oblivion?
• Why did God give me these two, perfect, little boys?

Has it been thirty minutes yet? Hahaha

A person's a person no matter how small

"Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body." 1 Corinthians 12:15-20

I have often wondered how in the world we could possibly know that no two snowflakes are exactly alike. I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that we can say that with certainty. However, I do believe we can say that no two people on earth are exactly the same. And thank God! 

I know that people tend to wish they had certain abilities or characteristics that others have, like playing an instrument, weighing more or less, or having curly hair. My sister, Holly, and brother, Jake, are both artists. I have always wished that I had that gift. I have always wanted curly hair as well.

I think we spend too much time thinking about what we wish we could do or look like, and not enough time on what we are! Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!" We can't all play the piano, be amazing artists, 6 foot supermodels, etc... Imagine what we could do if we focused on the abilities and characteristics we do have instead of those we don't! 

Just like that verse says, a body wouldn't be able to function properly if it was made up of only ears, or feet! We are all different, and all needed! Don't let someone, or yourself, make you feel unneeded or worthless. You bring something to this world. One of my favorite quotes is, "To the world, you may just be one person; but to one person, you may just be the world." Even that person you can't stand, they are someone's best friend! I had a boss once that would notice odd couples walking down the street at times and exclaim, "there's someone for everyone." It always made me laugh, but it is true!

You were made for something. I know, and have always known in my heart, that I was put on this earth to be a wife and mom. It isn't for everyone, but it is certainly for me. It may not be enough for other women, but it is for me. What if I was put here, just so my children would be born and be someone great? You are here for a reason. Find out what it is and give it your all.

Love Languages

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. If you haven't read it, you should. Every person has a love language. How do you show and receive love? This is your love language. There are five love languages: gifts, quality time, acts of service (cooking for them, cleaning, etc), words of affirmation (I love you, you're pretty, you're the best, etc), and touch. 

In every relationship, you should examine each of your love languages. If you know each other's love languages, you know how to love them better! Otherwise you can each be using your own love language all day long and they don't get it because you aren't speaking their love language. If you ask each other how they feel loved, then you can better understand them. It might not be how you show or feel love, but that's the point of asking. It may not feel natural to you, but it will better your relationship. 

I'm sure my husband doesn't like spending 5 minutes in the card aisle looking for a girly card, but that time means more to me than buying me a box of chocolates. My husband could spend all of his money showering me with gifts, but what I really want is him to tell me he loves me or thinks I am pretty. A card says more than anything to me. I think most kids love language is certainly gifts or quality time. Or maybe all of the languages...What do you think? My kids NEED me to cook and clean for them, but do they feel loved because I do? Probably not. More than anything, they love it when I play with them. My mother is definitely an acts of service person. She would much prefer I did the dishes for her than anything else...Although, they probably wouldn't sit in the dish rack the "right" way. Haha! 

I think all of our relationships could improve by taking a look at our love languages and communicating to the other person what that is. When I was talking to my husband about the book, I told him my love languages were Quality time and Words of Affirmation. His retort was, "What? You're telling me you're bilingual?!?" It made me laugh. He listened though. I have received two or three beautiful cards from him since then . That speaks VOLUMES to me. :-) 

Change

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

Why do we resist change so much? I use to think that is something we learn, but now I am not sure.  I dyed my hair yesterday, for the first time since before I got pregnant with Elliot. He was NOT happy! He has always had an obsession with my hair. He plays with it to calm himself down, to fall asleep, or when he is drinking milk. It is like his pacifier, I guess. He is a creature of habit, and he is only three! He does not like change one bit. He doesn't like Gaga Cindy to ever take her glasses off, and Gaga Deb can't put hers on. I knew that dying my hair might pose a problem, but I thought that as long as I didn't cut it short, it would be fine. Well...he cried for over an hour. He cried, "turn it back brown mommy. I don't like your yellow hair. Put the towel back one." Like I said earlier, he usually falls asleep with his hands in my hair. I asked him if he wanted just one strand out of the towel, but he said, "No, please put it back in the towel."

It got me thinking about change though. I don't like change either. I think most people resist change. In this case, Elliot hated change so much that he refused something he usually loves so much. Do we do the same thing? For instance, when a best friend gets married, but you are still single. Or when your friends are having babies, but you aren't at that point in your life yet. We stop calling as much, or don't hang out as much. Why do we push something or someone we love so much away instead of embracing the changes? Just like the quote at the top says, resisting the changes only brings sorrow. It doesn't stop the changes from occurring.

Life doesn't stop moving. We can't stay in one place. “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back." ― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

Maya Angelou said, “Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” I've done this before...stayed in a relationship that was not good for me, nor what I wanted, because I was afraid of change. Or kept a job I hated because I was afraid of starting over. 

Sometimes change is painful, even good change. You can't have a child without going through the pain of childbirth. Moving to TN was one of the hardest things I've done, but I knew it was a good change. Isaiah 66:9 says, "In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord." If we hadn't moved to TN, we would still be in a tiny condo with my children looking out the window at the outside world...not running around in the grass and sun. (Our condo was lovely, and definitely a blessing. It was just too small for our growing family.)

Embrace change. Even if it takes everything you have inside you. Don't let a friend go just because they are at a different stage in their life. Celebrate this time. If you hate your job, take a risk and find one you love. Make the most of this life!

Here are some more quotes about change that I like.

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” ― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay


Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

RATTLESNAKE!!!

Well, we have been in Tennessee for almost three months now and no one has died! I came close to death the other day though...The kids and I were walking down the road and I swear I heard a rattlesnake in the woods. I told Elliot that I was sorry but we had to turn around and go home. I kept hearing that same sound every time we were outside, at the park, or at Gaga Deb's. Turns out...they were just crickets. When I tell the story, though, it will be a rattlesnake. Just kidding.

In the last three months, I have seen many new things! Four dead deer, Godzilla sized "waspers" and bees, gigantic ant hills, numerous bugs, and a few too many spiders for my comfort. Poppy Bob and Gaga Deb even found a baby snake in their yard! However, like I said earlier, no one has died. Elliot might have to suffer through me tucking his pants into his socks for a while, but he will at least be outside!

It is weird to think about how different our lives are growing up. Living in Alaska, it wasn't weird to look out our kitchen window and see a dead moose hanging from our balcony...ready to be butchered. Or another fun memory, tying old car hoods to the back of a snowmachine and taking turns being pulled around. I don't think my cousins in California grew up this way...

I am glad to say that, although I might start suffering from high blood pressure, my kids will enjoy a childhood with room to roam and wide open spaces.

It's the little things

Your children need your presence more than your presents. — Jesse Jackson

I was thinking about my childhood, and the things that I remember the most. My mom and I would sit on the brick wall outside my Aunt's house and recite, "Star Light, Star Bright." That is probably one of my favorite memories. We also collected anything in the shape of a heart. I think we had 30 something hearts. One fourth of July we tried to make a t-pee (sp?).

My point is that I don't remember every gift we ever got for Christmas or birthdays. The things I remember the most are the things my parents did with us. It is so hard to get caught up in gift giving during holidays and birthdays. As a parent myself now, I want to give my kids the world. It is stressful when you can't, even though I know they won't even remember.

At the same time, I don't want to look back in thirty years and wish I had spent more time with my kids. I want to know that I did my best, and that I truly knew them. I know it is impossible to not have any regrets. I already do have regrets. There are many days I wish I could redo, but there are many that I wish I could relive over and over.

My oldest just turned three. I can't believe how fast time flew by. It seems like yesterday when I heard his little goat cry, and saw his grumpy little face for the first time. I wish I could go back to that day and hold his tiny self one more time. This age is wonderful too, though. Nothing can beat the emotion I feel when he throws his arms around my neck and says, "I loooove you, mommy!"

What do you remember the most from your childhood? If you have kids, I urge you to spend more time with them, and perhaps less money. "Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." This goes for both us and our kids. What do we want them to think matters the most in life? I know I want my kids to value people more than material things.

Don't Hug Me Too Tight...

"Don't hug me too tight, mommy. Hug me little." Elliot tells me this when we are cuddling. This is probably one of the hardest thing for me to do. There is a book I love to read him called "Sleep Baby Sleep." One line that always makes me cry is, "Grow, baby, grow. From our arms you will go. Unfurling like a butterfly, cocoon opening to the sky. Grow, baby, grow."

I was thinking about my last blog post, and sheltering my children from the world. It is so hard to let my boys get too far from me..anywhere. Inside or outside. I am so scared of them getting hurt, whether physically or emotionally. That might be one of the first things I miss after I give birth. They just feel so much safer inside my belly...Although, when they are in my belly, I worry about everything that can hurt them then too! It must just be an instinct from the second of conception. I want to protect my children from any possible hurt and danger.

Moving to Tennessee has definitely given me plenty of opportunities to grow in this area. I took the boys to the park and we went walking around the track. It took everything in me to not make Elliot sit in the double stroller. Then, I found myself begging him to stay on the track and not stray onto the grass. I mean, goodness gracious, a tick might find him!

Before we moved to Tennessee, I wasn't even brave enough to go to the store with both boys by myself. I was afraid that someone would hijack the car when I was walking around from one carseat to the other! Yes, I know I am neurotic! I am making great strides though! I have gone many places with them here!

It's a good thing Elliot is only turning three and not 5. I am not ready for school yet. I am still trying to talk Josh into letting me homeschool the boys. I am not even ready for the next part of the book... "Soar, baby, soar. The whole world you'll explore. Fly like the goose who climbs and roams, yet always knows his way back home. Soar, baby, soar." I just want to hold them close and never let go.

15 Minutes of Fame

I know it is a cliche saying, but seriously...what has this world come to?!?! When people get so desperate for fame and/or money that the first idea that comes to them is to make a sex tape and "accidentally" leak it to the public, something is seriously wrong. A person shouldn't be that desperate for fame or fortune. Does anyone have any shame anymore?

For those of you who aren't dorks and don't follow Teen Mom, Farrah Abraham just pulled the sex tape stunt. She stepped it up a notch though, (or maybe down a notch) and actually hired a professional to do the tape with her. I don't understand how someone could do this, especially when they have a four year old daughter that will eventually grow up and know about it. It isn't like she even needs the money! She has a pasta sauce out, a book, money from filming teen mom, modeling, and supposedly a restaurant too! Apparently she hadn't been in the headlines enough, though.

When I was in high school, I remember writing an essay about how there aren't any moral standards left. We go to a store, and the dirty magazines are front and center. We have more of an inclination to hide our morals in the brown paper wrapper than we do those magazines! It's no big deal anymore for someone to be caught in an affair, or other scandal. We can pretty much expect any Hollywood marriage to fail...even regular marriages. On Days of Our Lives, yes I said Days of Our Lives, there is a character who is ashamed and embarrassed that she is 20 something and still a virgin. How sad.

If you try and shelter your children from this world, people think you are making your kids "weird." I don't want my children to grow up just waiting for another school shooting, or bombing. I want them to grow up jumping in mud puddles, catching bugs (as long as they aren't the kind that terrify me), riding their bicycles down dirt roads, and playing baseball. Maybe I should have had kids 30 years ago...

You can lead a horse to water...

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can potty train a child, but you can't make him use the toilet! What is the deal with kids and potty training? Before Ethan was born, Elliot was almost potty trained. Then after Ethan was born, he absolutely refused to go near the toilet.

Right before we moved to Tennessee, I asked him if he was going to use the potty in Tennessee. He looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "of course!" So, we got to Tennessee, and as promised, he went potty on the potty chair a few times. Yesterday, he went 5 times. I went to bed excited and hopeful that we would soon be a household with only one child in diapers again. Fast forward to this morning, and he is flat out refusing again!

Is it a control thing? Does he just want me to know that I may be the mom, but I am not always the boss? Is this the one thing that he has complete control over? Is it a jealousy thing? Does he just want to be the baby like Ethan?

I have tried and exhausted every incentive. I have bribed him with candy, money, stickers, toys...I have even tried simply telling him that this is what he has to do. He is a big boy and diapers are expensive. He doesn't care! I even made him a chart, for the OCD in him. Somebody, please help me!

There's No Place Like Home

My lifelong dream, other than to become a wife and mother, was to get out of Alaska. I have always hated the extreme cold and snow. I only stayed as long as I did because I loved my family so much. Everyone always says they live in Alaska for "the awesome summers." However, I don't think we have had an "awesome summer" in years! We get what, 10 sunny days a year?!? Not worth it!

Well, my family and I finally got out. My two sons and I are now in Spring City, TN! My husband will be down here in May. It's beautiful, it's warm, it's sunny...What else could a girl ask for?

Maybe when I was saying my prayers, I should have asked God to kill all the bugs! These bug are unlike anything I've ever seen. I'm not kidding you. I hear the bees bouncing off the tin roof of the carport, and it sounds like a baseball hitting a bat! These are Godzilla bees. The "waspers" look like something out of a horror movie. Don't forget about the bugs left unseen so far...ticks, spiders, snakes. I can literally FEEL my blood pressure rising every time I take my boys outside to play. I am terrified of what threats lurk behind each blade of grass. My mom begged me to pull Elliot's jeans out of his socks. LOL. The neighbors probably think I am insane. I'm constantly running around and screaming at the bees. I was praying for thunder and rain today, just so I had an excuse for why we couldn't play outside.  

The locals say that I will eventually acclimate and get use to the bugs...Really? I sure hope so! I really don't want to pass on my neurotic behavior to my sons. How do you get use to bugs boring into your skin though? As Elliot would say, "Go away bugs! Nobody wants you here!"

Do you think my husband will buy me enough basil to soak in water and spray our one acre of land? To keep the ticks away? Lord, seriously...help me. I'm not quite to the point of clicking my heels together three times, though. I don't miss the iceland that much!

Forgiveness

I follow a blog called Post Secret. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. People from all over the world send this guy, Frank, their deepest secrets. They are all anonymous. He then publishes them, online and in books. Last week, there was a secret that said, "Sometimes you just need to tell the people you love that you love them." I am one of those people that has a hard time letting go. I don't have many friends, just a few close friends. I prefer it that way though. When I saw that secret, it really struck my heart. I have a few friends that I use to be close to but am not anymore.

I know that we all grow and change as we age. Some friends stick with us, and some friends fall by the wayside. That is just life. However, if there are people or friends that you let go because of arguments or petty disagreements, I encourage you to make it right if you can. Don't let time go by without letting people know that you care about them. It really hit me that if God can forgive us of everything we have done and will do in our lifetime, why can't we forgive others?

Two quotes have stuck with me the last couple of years..."Hurt People hurt people," and "holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." We hurt others because we have been hurt. Most of the time, we can be sitting there stewing over words said and the other person is totally unaware that you are even upset. We think we are punishing them by being silent, but we are really hurting ourselves. Try to slow down and look at things from both sides. Why did they say the things they said, or do the things they did? Probably because they were hurt also.

If the person meant or means enough to you, don't let the sun go down on your anger. If there is someone out there that you miss and love, knock on that door. It might not be locked as tight as you think it is. They might be waiting too. Even if the door is locked, maybe you will at least get some healing for your own heart. Life is too short to continue on in anger and bitterness.