"Don't hug me too tight, mommy. Hug me little." Elliot tells me this when we are cuddling. This is probably one of the hardest thing for me to do. There is a book I love to read him called "Sleep Baby Sleep." One line that always makes me cry is, "Grow, baby, grow. From our arms you will go. Unfurling like a butterfly, cocoon opening to the sky. Grow, baby, grow."
I was thinking about my last blog post, and sheltering my children from the world. It is so hard to let my boys get too far from me..anywhere. Inside or outside. I am so scared of them getting hurt, whether physically or emotionally. That might be one of the first things I miss after I give birth. They just feel so much safer inside my belly...Although, when they are in my belly, I worry about everything that can hurt them then too! It must just be an instinct from the second of conception. I want to protect my children from any possible hurt and danger.
Moving to Tennessee has definitely given me plenty of opportunities to grow in this area. I took the boys to the park and we went walking around the track. It took everything in me to not make Elliot sit in the double stroller. Then, I found myself begging him to stay on the track and not stray onto the grass. I mean, goodness gracious, a tick might find him!
Before we moved to Tennessee, I wasn't even brave enough to go to the store with both boys by myself. I was afraid that someone would hijack the car when I was walking around from one carseat to the other! Yes, I know I am neurotic! I am making great strides though! I have gone many places with them here!
It's a good thing Elliot is only turning three and not 5. I am not ready for school yet. I am still trying to talk Josh into letting me homeschool the boys. I am not even ready for the next part of the book... "Soar, baby, soar. The whole world you'll explore. Fly like the goose who climbs and roams, yet always knows his way back home. Soar, baby, soar." I just want to hold them close and never let go.
Oh Claire. You are a wonderful mother.
ReplyDeleteI agree that one of the hardest parts of parenthood is letting them grow and explore on their own. Yes things will happen to them. yes they will make poor choices. Yes we will be there to kiss the boo boos and talk to the mean kids. As long as they know we are there to stand up for the them and help them grow. They will be strong and amazing kids.
I just read a devotional last night that said when our children become more independant and can stand on their own, we shouldn't be sad. We should know that we are doing our job well. It is still heart breaking and sad though. And Elliot is only three! I can't imagine how I will feel when they are 18.
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