Making it through

Oh the things no one ever tells you about parenting...they tell you how wonderful it is, how it's hard but rewarding. I think they don't put enough emphasis on how hard it will be at times. They don't tell you how weird it can be sometimes. 

"You can't have my hair if you don't try to wipe your own butt." There's a sentence I never imagined I would ever say! I said it today though. What do you do when your kid won't wipe himself and he just screams and cries until you will? Do you let him scream until he tries, or give up? Seriously people...

For as long as I can remember, all I have ever wanted was to have kids. I am so thankful God have me the desire of my heart. Three of them! They are wonderful, amazing, beautiful kids. Life has been so hard lately, though. All I want to do is hold them close and cherish these years, but I feel like all I am doing lately is disciplining them. 

There are so many blogs, articles and studies out there now about the "right" way of parenting. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind of advice. Or like In in the middle of a pop quiz and flipping through mountains of books, trying to find the answers. "Spare the rod and spoil the child," but don't spank because you will damage their fragile spirits. Let them cry it out, but you're abandoning them if you do. How did our own parents ever make it through parenting?!? How does ANYONE make it through?!? All this advice and none of it agrees.

For the last month, I have been trying to get my boys, ages 2 and 4, to go to sleep without me in their beds with them. Everything in me screams against making them do this alone. I know they need to gain some independence, but how can I possibly let them cry themselves to sleep when all they want is me? All I've ever wanted was them. 

I realize I'm babbling and going down different rabbit trails. I suppose I just need to vent and know that I'm not alone. I just want to be the best mom I can be, and am so scared of damaging them. That meme always pops into my head about how it's easier to raise kids right than repair adults...or something like that. I just want to do it right. I know I'll never get a second chance and I want to do my best with the first.