Letting go

Change, change, change! Everything's changing all the time. This morning, I read a post about lasts. How there is a last time for everything and you don't know when it is your last time doing something. More specifically, it was about lasts with your children. While reading the post, I felt like my heart was actually breaking. Tears were falling. 

How can you want so badly for a day to end but the years to slow down?!? The days have been so hard lately, with two little boys running rampant and being wild. I've cried more days than not. However, the thought of waking up one day and realizing they are no longer sneaking into my bed at 2 in the morning, tears my heart in half. I don't want these years to fly by. I want to hold onto then forever. 

I know life is all about change. I know this isn't something new and that every mother has gone through this. But how? How do you get through this? My boys are only 2 and 4, but it seems like they were just born the other day. 

When Elliot is uncomfortable or nervous, he shifts from one foot to the other and holds his arms back like he is flying. He was doing this at preschool orientation yesterday, and my heart hurt. It is so hard to let go of his hand and push him out of the nest. It's incredibly hard knowing he doesn't understand why he has to do this, and that I'm the one making him. It's so hard to have to leave him at preschool, and only get to hope and pray that he makes friends. I can't make the friends for him. I can't take away his fears or his nervousness. 

I know I'm being a baby and over emotional lately. I just love my babies and don't want to let go. How am I ever going to make it through the ACTUAL empty best syndrome? The saying is so incredibly true, "your son holds your hand for a little while but your heart forever." I am so thankful to get to hold these chubby, sticky hands. I just want it to last a little longer.