Life Goes On

The hardest part of life, for me, is that it goes on. Life is constantly moving forward, always changing. Friendships, family, children. If something sad happens, life doesn't stop to let you grieve. If something happy happens, life doesn't stop to let you hold on to that moment for a little longer. I know most people don't like change, but change is so hard for me, good or bad. 

I love the blessings that have come my way. New friendships, new adventures, a new state and climate. I just wish that things didn't have to change to make room for those new blessings. I wish I didn't have to move thousands of miles away from my extended family to make a new and better life for my family. 

It seems like I have more bad days than good days with my kids lately, and Evie screams for hours every night, but I still cling to the wish that I could keep them little forever. They drive me crazy sometimes, but I dread the day I have to let them go. I want to hold them forever. I know they need to gain a little independence and not be so dependent on me, but the change hurts. 

The other day, Elliot told me that I didn't need to be sad that he would get big someday, because it was taking forever. How true that must seem for him. I remember being a child and constantly wishing for the next phase of my life: license, job, marriage, kids. It always felt like an eternity away. Now that I have my heart's desires, time is flying by in the blink of an eye. I feel like I'm scrambling around, trying to give my children the perfect childhood before it's over.

The day Elliot was born, I prayed that God would slow time down for me. However, it just keeps speeding up. SLOW DOWN!