It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

So I wrote about our miracle we received with Evangelina, but I didn't talk much about how hard those months were. While I did believe that God promised me that she was going to be ok, I am still human. I did still have my moments of despair and fear. I read too many stories and googled too many statistics. I prayed and prayed, but also cried. 

One day, I was struck by a verse in the story where Peter walked on the water after Jesus told him to get out of the boat. In Matthew 14:29-31, it says, "Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Dude! He walked on water, but you are saying he had little faith?!? He WALKED ON WATER! What I got out of this though, is that God doesn't just want us to have faith for a moment, he wants us to have complete faith in Him! Believe for the whole miracle! This was where it was hard for me. I knew He COULD do anything, but wasn't sure He would...

That first night after we found out she had cysts on her kidneys, it was hard to have faith. I prayed mostly that I would at least get to hold her for a little while. The specialists told us that IF she made it to birth, most babies don't live to a week. The more I read and prayed though, the more faith I felt welling up inside me. I prayed that I would at least get to bring her home for some time. The more I prayed, the bigger my prayers became. Now I pray that God will bless her with a LONG, healthy and happy life! 

I'm amazed at what God has done for me, that He chose to do this for me. I know it doesn't always end up this way, and I am very thankful. But it wasn't always easy. It still isn't always easy. When she screams for an hour, my heart does fear. I'm afraid she's screaming for some reason I can't see. In those times, I am reminded of the father in Mark 9. Jesus asked him why he doubted. He answered, "Lord, I believe. Help me in my doubt." I have to pray that more than I wish I did. 

God is still amazing me today! When she was born and we found out she had 6 toes on one foot, I admit I felt very mixed up. I felt like I did something wrong to cause it. Then I felt bad for feeling like it was a defect. However, my friend just reminded me of the verse that says, "how beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, proclaiming peace..." This just amazed me. Evangelina actually MEANS, "brings good news!" And even further than that amazing "coincidence" is that her middle name, Shahli, means, "joyous peace!" This is just crazy to me. Now I wish her toe didn't have to be removed. I will always remember though.