I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good good night, that tonight's gonna be a good good night.
2012 is bringing with it a lot of changes, for the good! This year, my second baby boy will make his entrance into this world. Soon after, I will marry my handsome man, Joshua Holloway. I can't wait for all of the excitement,
Josh's brother got married last night. It was a beautiful wedding, and made me so anxious for my own wedding. Before I met Josh, I was just looking forward to a wedding someday. Last night, while Brandon and Witney were saying their vows, I couldn't help but dream of our wedding. This time though, I am anxious to stand up their and tell him how much he means to me and how much I am looking forward to spending our lives together. The wedding is just a bonus.
Boys will be Boys!
I think this blog is clearly more of a "From a Mom's Heart" type of blog than anything else. I know that it doesn't reach a wide variety of people, but I am ok with that. Read it if you want to. Don't read it if you don't want to.
Being a Mom is the number one thing that I have wanted from life since I can remember. The only other thing was to be a wife. I now have both, and am happier than I have ever been. Both can be so frustrating at times, but I don't think there is anything more rewarding. Yesterday was one of the worst days we have had in a long time. Elliot was super whiny and defiant from the moment he woke up. I could spank him, raise my voice, put him in time-out, but nothing seemed to work. I think a few cuss words even escaped from my lips, which is definitely out of character for me. I was just so frustrated!
Even as frustrating as those days are...at bedtime when he wraps his tiny, squishy arms around my neck and plays with my hair until he falls asleep, it's all worth it. I wouldn't trade this life for anything. Believe me, he is really a good boy most days. I don't really have much to complain about. Even the bad days though, I'll take them if it means that I get to snuggle up to my sweet boy and feel his breath soften as he finally gives in and falls asleep.
Being a Mom is the number one thing that I have wanted from life since I can remember. The only other thing was to be a wife. I now have both, and am happier than I have ever been. Both can be so frustrating at times, but I don't think there is anything more rewarding. Yesterday was one of the worst days we have had in a long time. Elliot was super whiny and defiant from the moment he woke up. I could spank him, raise my voice, put him in time-out, but nothing seemed to work. I think a few cuss words even escaped from my lips, which is definitely out of character for me. I was just so frustrated!
Even as frustrating as those days are...at bedtime when he wraps his tiny, squishy arms around my neck and plays with my hair until he falls asleep, it's all worth it. I wouldn't trade this life for anything. Believe me, he is really a good boy most days. I don't really have much to complain about. Even the bad days though, I'll take them if it means that I get to snuggle up to my sweet boy and feel his breath soften as he finally gives in and falls asleep.
Expectations
A friend recently wrote a blog about how different her life is from what her 17 year old self imagined. It made me look back to what I thought my life would be like and what I thought I wanted. When I was younger, I wanted to be a pastor's wife by 18 and start having lots of kids. Needless to say, as the years went by, I felt more and more like an old spinster. I was in such a rush to get married and have that life that I could have married someone that would have been very detrimental to my spirit and heart. Thankfully, I escaped the life I almost had.
Then I met Josh. He came in to my office one day to visit his friend, who was also my good friend. As soon as Josh left the office, I turned to Jason and asked who the hottie was. Jason, of course, got right on the phone and told Josh. The next day, a beautiful bouquet of flowers showed up with my name on them. Josh included a very sweet note.
We went on a couple of dates over the next year or so, but lost touch in between. I think I fought falling in love with him. I think subconsciously I thought that as long as I didn't fall in love, I wouldn't be the one to get hurt again. HOWEVER, he made me fall in love with him. Sneaky, sneaky man.
Today, I am SO incredibly thankful for the life I got! I may not have the ring on my finger yet, but I know this is the man I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I may be 25, 7 years older than expected, but He was so worth the wait. I am happy for life's unexpected twists and turns that brought me to where I am today.
Then I met Josh. He came in to my office one day to visit his friend, who was also my good friend. As soon as Josh left the office, I turned to Jason and asked who the hottie was. Jason, of course, got right on the phone and told Josh. The next day, a beautiful bouquet of flowers showed up with my name on them. Josh included a very sweet note.
We went on a couple of dates over the next year or so, but lost touch in between. I think I fought falling in love with him. I think subconsciously I thought that as long as I didn't fall in love, I wouldn't be the one to get hurt again. HOWEVER, he made me fall in love with him. Sneaky, sneaky man.
Today, I am SO incredibly thankful for the life I got! I may not have the ring on my finger yet, but I know this is the man I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I may be 25, 7 years older than expected, but He was so worth the wait. I am happy for life's unexpected twists and turns that brought me to where I am today.
Adjustment Bureau
Josh & I just watched the new movie "Adjustment Bureau". I thought it was a great movie. It really makes you think. What if this was reality? The whole movie is about free will. Matt Damon meets a girl in a bathroom and it changes his life. The two of them think they were meant for each other. After a series of events of these "people" trying to remove her from his life, he comes to find out everyone has a set plan in life. There are "people" watching over the whole world to make sure that you end up where you are supposed to be according to this plan. If something happens, and you deviate from the plan, these "people" make small adjustments to get you back on the right track. In the movie, Matt Damon is not meant to be with this girl, but he can't stop thinking of her. He learns that the reason is because they can both be something great if they stay apart, but if they are together they grow complacent and don't become anything special. They are happy but not extraordinary.
He has to choose whether he wants them to be together costing not only his but her dreams too. He has to decide whether to trust "them" that they know what is best, or trust his heart and follow a path where he doesn't know the outcome. I think it is sort of like real life in that we all think we know what is best or what we want. We can't see the bigger picture though. Just like that song, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers", we don't know anything beyond this moment. How we feel today not be how we feel in a year.
The movie made me think though... I caught myself going back and forth between thinking he should just listen to "them" and do what they said was best for him, and thinking they are the bad guys just trying to keep him from what he was really meant for.
I've often wished in life that we didn't have free will. I've thought life would be so much easier if we didn't have choices. However, this movie really makes you think about just that. We think we don't want to make choices in life, but how would you feel if the choices were taken away? Would you trust the person making the choices for you, or would you fight with all you had to regain control?
He has to choose whether he wants them to be together costing not only his but her dreams too. He has to decide whether to trust "them" that they know what is best, or trust his heart and follow a path where he doesn't know the outcome. I think it is sort of like real life in that we all think we know what is best or what we want. We can't see the bigger picture though. Just like that song, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers", we don't know anything beyond this moment. How we feel today not be how we feel in a year.
The movie made me think though... I caught myself going back and forth between thinking he should just listen to "them" and do what they said was best for him, and thinking they are the bad guys just trying to keep him from what he was really meant for.
I've often wished in life that we didn't have free will. I've thought life would be so much easier if we didn't have choices. However, this movie really makes you think about just that. We think we don't want to make choices in life, but how would you feel if the choices were taken away? Would you trust the person making the choices for you, or would you fight with all you had to regain control?
Before I was a mom -by unknown author
Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom,Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom,Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.
A Ship in the Harbor
A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for. ~John A. Shedd
Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could not stand being laughed at. ~Author Unknown
What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? ~Robert H. Schuller
My resolution for the New Year was to stop caring, or care less about what people think of me. I don't think I have done too well, but I am still trying. Obviously, it isn't something that you can just achieve overnight...I don't think.
There are lots of risks I would never dream of taking because they weren't fool proof, or because I was afraid of what people would think. I've always wanted to get a short haircut, super short. I've never done it though because I was afraid that it wouldn't look good and that people would make fun of me. I have an appointment on Friday though, and think I might just try it. I will never know if I like it unless I actually try it! Much like many things in life. I never liked mushrooms and wouldn't eat them. Then, I moved in with Craig and Carolyn and couldn't say I didn't like mushrooms. So I ate them every time Carolyn put them in something. I now LOVE mushrooms! How silly. I might end up with a horrendous haircut, but I also might end up with a haircut I love! Even if it is horrible, it will grow back, right?
I know that there are many bigger risks in life. I watched a lot of Criminal minds when I was in Tennessee. I know better...LOL. But I love the show. After watching a few episodes, I started thinking that I was never going to put Elliot in his own room, or that I wouldn't let him have a room on another level of a house. I was too afraid of something happening and not being in control. I realize this is not fair to him though. It is much like building a ship and then keeping it tied up in a harbor so it doesn't get damaged. What a shame! As much as I would like to, I can't shelter Elliot from the whole world. I could try, but how many good things would he miss out on as well? I think it is just a mother's heart though, to want to protect your child from getting his feelings hurt.
What great things would you do if there was no risk? Better yet, what things do you want to do but don't because you are too afraid?
Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could not stand being laughed at. ~Author Unknown
What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? ~Robert H. Schuller
My resolution for the New Year was to stop caring, or care less about what people think of me. I don't think I have done too well, but I am still trying. Obviously, it isn't something that you can just achieve overnight...I don't think.
There are lots of risks I would never dream of taking because they weren't fool proof, or because I was afraid of what people would think. I've always wanted to get a short haircut, super short. I've never done it though because I was afraid that it wouldn't look good and that people would make fun of me. I have an appointment on Friday though, and think I might just try it. I will never know if I like it unless I actually try it! Much like many things in life. I never liked mushrooms and wouldn't eat them. Then, I moved in with Craig and Carolyn and couldn't say I didn't like mushrooms. So I ate them every time Carolyn put them in something. I now LOVE mushrooms! How silly. I might end up with a horrendous haircut, but I also might end up with a haircut I love! Even if it is horrible, it will grow back, right?
I know that there are many bigger risks in life. I watched a lot of Criminal minds when I was in Tennessee. I know better...LOL. But I love the show. After watching a few episodes, I started thinking that I was never going to put Elliot in his own room, or that I wouldn't let him have a room on another level of a house. I was too afraid of something happening and not being in control. I realize this is not fair to him though. It is much like building a ship and then keeping it tied up in a harbor so it doesn't get damaged. What a shame! As much as I would like to, I can't shelter Elliot from the whole world. I could try, but how many good things would he miss out on as well? I think it is just a mother's heart though, to want to protect your child from getting his feelings hurt.
What great things would you do if there was no risk? Better yet, what things do you want to do but don't because you are too afraid?
At What Cost?
"How many have pulled down their souls to build up their estate?"
-Thomas Watson
I turned 25 today. I never get wigged out by turning another year older. I am usually excited, and love my birthday. I don't think I'll be one to have a "midlife crisis". I did have a moment of shame or embarrassment last night though, thinking about where I "should" be in life. My mom asked a good question though. She asked me if I would trade the last year, and trade Elliot, to be where people think I should be at in my life. No way in H E double hockey sticks! I would not trade Elliot for a million, trillion dollars! I can live with the debt I got myself into, and everything else, as long as I have God, my family, and my son.
Sure, I'd like to be out of debt sooner rather than later, but I don't have to let that desire drive me so much that I lose sight of the more important things. At my current rate, I can be out of debt in about 4 years. In four years, Elliot will be five. I don't want to look back in four years and wish I knew my son better.
Have you seen Madam Blueberry, the Veggie Tales movie? She is sad, so she goes to Stuff Mart and buys everything she sees, but none of it makes her any happier. There is a beautiful song in that movie that says, "A thankful heart is a happy heart. That's why I say thanks every day!" Madam blueberry sees a family celebrating their child's birthday. They only have one piece of cake and they are sharing it, and are happy. She realizes that it isn't what you have that makes you happy.
I'm 25. I have a lot of debt, and I live with my parents again. I had a career for 6 years, lived on my own and wasn't very happy. Honestly though, I am more happy with my life now than I have been in years. God blessed me with a wonderful, funny, smart, beautiful little boy...the desire of my heart. This has been the best birthday so far.
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