Bitterness

Joyce Meyer said, "I know from personal experience how damaging it can be to live with bitterness and forgiveness. I like to say that it is like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. And it really is harmful for us to live this way."

I have been thinking about the above quote a lot this week. How do you get your enemy to drink the poison instead? Just kidding. Although, my mom would say, "The truth is often spoken in jest." Haha. Bitterness really is an evil root. It can consume you.

I often talk about the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." This movie was strange, but good. I've had discussions with friends on whether or not they would erase someone from their memory if they were given the option. Personally, if I could, I would. I am not one of those, "I have no regrets. Those experiences made me who I am today," kind of person. I would erase the memories and person in a heartbeat. I know that I, and my husband, would be better off if I could. Haha. My husband wouldn't have to tell me that I have him confused with someone else when I question the meaning of everything he says or does. Why is it that the person we marry usually has to pay the price for the mistakes of the losers we didn't marry?

Anyway, we were talking about this together. He is the total opposite of me, and that is great because he balances us out. LOL. He just lets everything roll off his shoulders. He said you can't hold onto bad things because people do crappy things, and you just have to forget about it because that's the way the world is. How do you do that though? How do you not be bitter? How do you forgive someone that doesn't even care? Or even if it isn't about forgiving them, how do you not let your past hurts influence who you are today?

Dr. Irene says, "Bitterness is the result of powerlessness in the face of anger. Bitterness is a trap that takes you away from dealing with what you have to deal with. It keeps you stuck. Stay in the here and now with your feelings. Take your power each and every day, in each of the hundreds of little interactions that make up daily life. As you begin to take control of your life, you will no longer be left with a sense of powerlessness. Your anger and bitterness will melt."

What do you think? Everyone has experiences they didn't like. How did you/do you deal with them?

Did I forget my Manual for Raising Children?

Sometimes I wish that life would give you a manual for how to raise children...With exact directions and pictures just to make sure you get it right! Here are a few good questions I need answers for:

• What do you do when your one year old poops in the tub and thinks he found a candy bar? How do you keep him from pooping in the tub every time he takes a bath, even if he pooped ten minutes earlier?
• When your one year old grabs his brothers wiener schnitzel, how do you do keep from laughing so he won't do it again?
• What do you do when your one year old has decided you are his personal snack shack and just screams, "BOOO," when he sees you? I don't even think he knows he is screaming it anymore. Haha
• How do you stop the same one year old from screaming like a pterodactyl when he wants something, needs something, is bored, or just because it's 2 p.m.?
• How do you keep your three year old from practicing his stunts for the next dare devil movie, and thus giving you a heart attack? Do all toddlers think they are spider man and can literally climb anything and everything? 
• Are two year old children capable of pre-meditating naughty behavior? He told me he was going to get in trouble and when I asked why, he swiped everything off the table and ran!

And lastly, how do you keep your sanity while raising children? What's the difference between "letting boys be boys," and letting them be maniacs?!?! LOL. It has been a rough day. I love my boys more than life itself, but boy am I glad for bedtime tonight! In all seriousness though, I know in thirty minutes I will be gazing at them lovingly, asking: 

• How did these boys get so freakin' cute?
• How can I possibly "hug you little," Elliot? I want to squeeze you and never let go.
• How I can keep from kissing their cheeks into oblivion?
• Why did God give me these two, perfect, little boys?

Has it been thirty minutes yet? Hahaha

A person's a person no matter how small

"Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body." 1 Corinthians 12:15-20

I have often wondered how in the world we could possibly know that no two snowflakes are exactly alike. I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that we can say that with certainty. However, I do believe we can say that no two people on earth are exactly the same. And thank God! 

I know that people tend to wish they had certain abilities or characteristics that others have, like playing an instrument, weighing more or less, or having curly hair. My sister, Holly, and brother, Jake, are both artists. I have always wished that I had that gift. I have always wanted curly hair as well.

I think we spend too much time thinking about what we wish we could do or look like, and not enough time on what we are! Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!" We can't all play the piano, be amazing artists, 6 foot supermodels, etc... Imagine what we could do if we focused on the abilities and characteristics we do have instead of those we don't! 

Just like that verse says, a body wouldn't be able to function properly if it was made up of only ears, or feet! We are all different, and all needed! Don't let someone, or yourself, make you feel unneeded or worthless. You bring something to this world. One of my favorite quotes is, "To the world, you may just be one person; but to one person, you may just be the world." Even that person you can't stand, they are someone's best friend! I had a boss once that would notice odd couples walking down the street at times and exclaim, "there's someone for everyone." It always made me laugh, but it is true!

You were made for something. I know, and have always known in my heart, that I was put on this earth to be a wife and mom. It isn't for everyone, but it is certainly for me. It may not be enough for other women, but it is for me. What if I was put here, just so my children would be born and be someone great? You are here for a reason. Find out what it is and give it your all.

Love Languages

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. If you haven't read it, you should. Every person has a love language. How do you show and receive love? This is your love language. There are five love languages: gifts, quality time, acts of service (cooking for them, cleaning, etc), words of affirmation (I love you, you're pretty, you're the best, etc), and touch. 

In every relationship, you should examine each of your love languages. If you know each other's love languages, you know how to love them better! Otherwise you can each be using your own love language all day long and they don't get it because you aren't speaking their love language. If you ask each other how they feel loved, then you can better understand them. It might not be how you show or feel love, but that's the point of asking. It may not feel natural to you, but it will better your relationship. 

I'm sure my husband doesn't like spending 5 minutes in the card aisle looking for a girly card, but that time means more to me than buying me a box of chocolates. My husband could spend all of his money showering me with gifts, but what I really want is him to tell me he loves me or thinks I am pretty. A card says more than anything to me. I think most kids love language is certainly gifts or quality time. Or maybe all of the languages...What do you think? My kids NEED me to cook and clean for them, but do they feel loved because I do? Probably not. More than anything, they love it when I play with them. My mother is definitely an acts of service person. She would much prefer I did the dishes for her than anything else...Although, they probably wouldn't sit in the dish rack the "right" way. Haha! 

I think all of our relationships could improve by taking a look at our love languages and communicating to the other person what that is. When I was talking to my husband about the book, I told him my love languages were Quality time and Words of Affirmation. His retort was, "What? You're telling me you're bilingual?!?" It made me laugh. He listened though. I have received two or three beautiful cards from him since then . That speaks VOLUMES to me. :-) 

Change

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

Why do we resist change so much? I use to think that is something we learn, but now I am not sure.  I dyed my hair yesterday, for the first time since before I got pregnant with Elliot. He was NOT happy! He has always had an obsession with my hair. He plays with it to calm himself down, to fall asleep, or when he is drinking milk. It is like his pacifier, I guess. He is a creature of habit, and he is only three! He does not like change one bit. He doesn't like Gaga Cindy to ever take her glasses off, and Gaga Deb can't put hers on. I knew that dying my hair might pose a problem, but I thought that as long as I didn't cut it short, it would be fine. Well...he cried for over an hour. He cried, "turn it back brown mommy. I don't like your yellow hair. Put the towel back one." Like I said earlier, he usually falls asleep with his hands in my hair. I asked him if he wanted just one strand out of the towel, but he said, "No, please put it back in the towel."

It got me thinking about change though. I don't like change either. I think most people resist change. In this case, Elliot hated change so much that he refused something he usually loves so much. Do we do the same thing? For instance, when a best friend gets married, but you are still single. Or when your friends are having babies, but you aren't at that point in your life yet. We stop calling as much, or don't hang out as much. Why do we push something or someone we love so much away instead of embracing the changes? Just like the quote at the top says, resisting the changes only brings sorrow. It doesn't stop the changes from occurring.

Life doesn't stop moving. We can't stay in one place. “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back." ― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

Maya Angelou said, “Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” I've done this before...stayed in a relationship that was not good for me, nor what I wanted, because I was afraid of change. Or kept a job I hated because I was afraid of starting over. 

Sometimes change is painful, even good change. You can't have a child without going through the pain of childbirth. Moving to TN was one of the hardest things I've done, but I knew it was a good change. Isaiah 66:9 says, "In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord." If we hadn't moved to TN, we would still be in a tiny condo with my children looking out the window at the outside world...not running around in the grass and sun. (Our condo was lovely, and definitely a blessing. It was just too small for our growing family.)

Embrace change. Even if it takes everything you have inside you. Don't let a friend go just because they are at a different stage in their life. Celebrate this time. If you hate your job, take a risk and find one you love. Make the most of this life!

Here are some more quotes about change that I like.

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” ― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay


Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

RATTLESNAKE!!!

Well, we have been in Tennessee for almost three months now and no one has died! I came close to death the other day though...The kids and I were walking down the road and I swear I heard a rattlesnake in the woods. I told Elliot that I was sorry but we had to turn around and go home. I kept hearing that same sound every time we were outside, at the park, or at Gaga Deb's. Turns out...they were just crickets. When I tell the story, though, it will be a rattlesnake. Just kidding.

In the last three months, I have seen many new things! Four dead deer, Godzilla sized "waspers" and bees, gigantic ant hills, numerous bugs, and a few too many spiders for my comfort. Poppy Bob and Gaga Deb even found a baby snake in their yard! However, like I said earlier, no one has died. Elliot might have to suffer through me tucking his pants into his socks for a while, but he will at least be outside!

It is weird to think about how different our lives are growing up. Living in Alaska, it wasn't weird to look out our kitchen window and see a dead moose hanging from our balcony...ready to be butchered. Or another fun memory, tying old car hoods to the back of a snowmachine and taking turns being pulled around. I don't think my cousins in California grew up this way...

I am glad to say that, although I might start suffering from high blood pressure, my kids will enjoy a childhood with room to roam and wide open spaces.

It's the little things

Your children need your presence more than your presents. — Jesse Jackson

I was thinking about my childhood, and the things that I remember the most. My mom and I would sit on the brick wall outside my Aunt's house and recite, "Star Light, Star Bright." That is probably one of my favorite memories. We also collected anything in the shape of a heart. I think we had 30 something hearts. One fourth of July we tried to make a t-pee (sp?).

My point is that I don't remember every gift we ever got for Christmas or birthdays. The things I remember the most are the things my parents did with us. It is so hard to get caught up in gift giving during holidays and birthdays. As a parent myself now, I want to give my kids the world. It is stressful when you can't, even though I know they won't even remember.

At the same time, I don't want to look back in thirty years and wish I had spent more time with my kids. I want to know that I did my best, and that I truly knew them. I know it is impossible to not have any regrets. I already do have regrets. There are many days I wish I could redo, but there are many that I wish I could relive over and over.

My oldest just turned three. I can't believe how fast time flew by. It seems like yesterday when I heard his little goat cry, and saw his grumpy little face for the first time. I wish I could go back to that day and hold his tiny self one more time. This age is wonderful too, though. Nothing can beat the emotion I feel when he throws his arms around my neck and says, "I loooove you, mommy!"

What do you remember the most from your childhood? If you have kids, I urge you to spend more time with them, and perhaps less money. "Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." This goes for both us and our kids. What do we want them to think matters the most in life? I know I want my kids to value people more than material things.